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What It's Like to Have a Baby in the NICU

11/20/19

What it's like to have a baby in the nice | Marissa Vicario Health Coach | mother and baby in nice Valentina Antonia’s Birth Story  My Third Trimester My Second Trimester Gender Reveal: It’s a …  Our Big Island Babymoon  My First Trimester Our Infertility Journey: We’re Having a Baby!  Our Infertility Journey: The IVF Decision Our Struggle with Infertility  Many people have asked me what it’s like to have a baby in the NICU. Every parent’s experience is different based on their unique circumstances, length of stay and their baby’s course of treatment, but I’m sure I can speak for most parents when I say that it’s a place we all never thought we’d be.  When I was pregnant and choosing my OBGYN, I toured a couple of hospitals. At Lenox Hill, they walked us by the NICU and I clearly remember blocking out that part of the tour thinking it didn’t apply to me. I even recall advice from my sister to choose a hospital with a reputable NICU “just in case” and again thinking to myself that it was irrelevant. So when I delivered our daughter at 34 weeks and 5 days pregnant, you can imagine my shock when having a baby in the NICU became all too real.  Based on my personal experience, this is what it’s like to have a baby in the NICU.  One // I have never been more scared. After I delivered Valentina, she was taken to the NICU. I was so relieved that she had arrived and exhausted from labor that what was about to become our reality didn’t set in until hours later when I was settled into my room. The first night, we visited her in the NICU and I completely broke down. At that point, so early on, I needed to know my baby was going to be ok and altough the medical team told me she would be, I feared the unknown.  Two // I was constantly worried. Over the course of her stay in the NICU, Valentina was on a breathing machine, received a blood transfusion for anemia, a course of antibiotics for possible infection, placed under light therapy for jaundice, suffered a minor brain bleed (this can potentially be dangerous but it was minor and resolved on its own), was fed through a tube and received fluids through a line in her belly button. Seeing my days-old daughter endure so much while helplessly standing by waiting for test results took its toll.  Three // I spent my days in the NICU. When your baby is in the NICU, there’s nowhere else you want to be. Everyday I arrived for morning rounds and often stayed into the evening only taking a break to eat lunch. Other times I went home for an afternoon nap and went back later in the evening with David. The days were long and monotonous. I spent my time there, holding my baby to make up for the skin to skin time we didn’t have at birth, changing her diaper, feeding her and pumping. Four // The monitors haunted me. Every baby in the NICU is hooked up to a monitor that measures heartrate, oxygen saturation and other vital signs. These monitors beep continuously and when the numbers dip too low or too high they ding loudly creating a constant cacophany of alarms and bells. As I held my baby I too often fixated on the numbers to the point of obsession and when I left I could still hear the monitors in my sleep.   Five // I blamed myself. As much as I wanted to believe that Valentina’s premature birth was an act of nature, I blamed myself for not being able to keep her safe inside me and carry my pregnancy to term. In this post I mentioned mourning the remainder of a pregnancy I didn’t get to experience and this was a big part of my guilt.  Six // I couldn’t have the postpartum experience I had hoped for. If all goes well, many families will room-in with their baby during their hospital stay and upon discharge two to three days later, take their baby home with them where they’ll comfortably continue postpartum recovery and experience their baby’s first weeks as a family. For us, this was not the case. My postpartum recovery happened in the NICU and when we went home each night to sleep, our baby wasn’t there with us. Seven // I felt loved. As much as I’ve shed light on the dark side of what it’s like to have a baby in the NICU, I want to acknowledge that despite everything that was going on, I’ve never felt so loved and cared for as a family by the NICU staff. From a special nurse who grew fond of Valentina, the medical team who did rounds every morning and took all the time we needed to answer our questions, the occupational therapist who took the time to get to know me and finally the social worker who checked in on me regularly and even sent a chaplain to give Valentina a blessing, these are the people who made our stay comfortable and ensure we felt seen, heard and informed during a difficult time.  My hope is that you’ll never have to experience what it’s like to have a baby in the NICU. If you do find yourself in such a place, use these tips:

  • Spend as much time there as you can, but don’t feel guilty about taking some time off to take care of yourself – whether it’s a lunch break, time for a nap, a manicure or a full day off for your mental well-being.
  • Take an active role in your baby’s care – learn the NICU’s feeding schedule so you can be there to help with feedings, change your baby’s diapers and help the nurse with anything else you can.
  • Know when the medical team does morning rounds. Plan to be there for daily updates on your baby’s progress and to get your questions answered.
  • Likewise, know when the NICU restricts visitor access if they do (usually 30 minutes in the morning and the evening during the change of shifts) so you can plan your visits accordingly.
  • Find out if the NICU offers support groups for parents and plan to attend if they do.

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About Me


Welcome! My name is Marissa and I’m a lover of all things health and wellness.As a NYC-based board-Certified Wellness Coach and Healthy Living Expert, I share my own health secrets, get-fit tips and the cooking expertise that has inspired countless women to change their relationship with food and turbocharge their health to become holistically hot in a way that’s fun and fearless.
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How I Turned My Passion Into a Business: Next Generation.TV

As a new mom, I quickly discovered that there's a As a new mom, I quickly discovered that there's a lot of focus on "bouncing back" into exercise, work and intimacy and many of the moms who had babies at the same time as me seemed to be doing it a lot faster than I was. Because nobody ever told me it could take up to a year (or longer) to feel like myself again, I often wondered what was wrong with me. 

On my blog (link in profile or MarissaVicario.com/blog), I published an honest account of what my first year postpartum was actually like as I learned to navigate a new body with a new purpose, a baby that refused to sleep and of course, a pandemic. 

What I'm about to say I wish someone had told me 15 months ago: It’s ok to take as much time as YOU need to recover and even though you're a mom now, you WILL feel like yourself again! 💚💋👩‍👧📸: @graceandfirephotography 

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Today feels like the first page of the first chapt Today feels like the first page of the first chapter of a brand new book. I’m hopeful for what the future holds. 💚💋🇺🇸
My weekend #momuniform 🪢 Top knot 🍵 Matcha My weekend #momuniform

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I’m thrilled to announce that I’ll be working I’m thrilled to announce that I’ll be working with my friends at @nowfoodsofficial again for 2021 AND I have a new discount code for 20% off your order ➡️ MARISSA 

As a Certified Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, I only partner with brands I trust and use myself. Over the past three years, I've loved introducing many of you to the NOW Foods brand and helping you discover products that allow you and your families to live healthier lives at affordable prices and in turn support a family-owned business. So let's keep it going for 2021! #nowwellness #ad 💚💋🧡

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I'M BACK ... and more thankful than ever for my he I'M BACK ... and more thankful than ever for my health! If you were following my stories earlier this week, you saw that I took some time off because of a corneal abrasion. It's now 90% healed. 

Valentina poked me in the eye on Saturday morning and by that night I couldn't open my eye. And because I couldn't open the injured eye, I couldn't open the other eye. 

It was both scary and frustrating. With both eyes closed, all I could do was sleep. So with the help of my husband who took on sole responsibility for Valentina, I slept all day Sunday and half the day Monday until I could get in to see my eye doctor. 

I joked to one of my friends that I finally got the mommy break I needed - just not the one I wanted! I also caught up on all my missed sleep for the year! 

But in all seriousness, with everything going on in the news I knew I needed the social media/tech break, I just wasn't taking it. I'm a firm believer that the Universe does for us that which we can't do for ourselves. This has always been true for me that when I most need a break, I'm forced to take one through Illness or injury. 

With Valentina being sick the first week of the year followed by my social media and technology hiatus, I fell even more behind than I already was. But in the grand scheme of things, none of that matters. 

I'm so thankful for my family’s health and even though I was injured, I actually feel refreshed. Next time I need a break, I'm giving myself permission to take one - and I hope you will too! 💚💋👀

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Now let me tell you about this outfit. I know, I know it looks like basic black sweats but they’re better than basic - I’ve been living in these @monrow_official joggers (the softest ever) and this elevated cropped sweatshirt by @alala both courtesy of @renttherunway. Use my code RTRMARISSA this month for 40% off an 8 or 16 item plan. @rtrambassadors
So happy to be lifting heavy again 💚💋💪🏻

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#fitfluential 
#iamwellandgood 
#healthyhacks 
#wholefoods 
#eatrealfood 
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#nycmomblogger
#newmom
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#momblogger
#fitmom 
#strongmoms 
#liftheavythings 
#postpartumjourney 
#athomeworkout
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