Today David and I celebrate three years of marriage and this week we’re going to Napa for a celebratory getaway. I couldn’t have hit the jackpot any better with my husband, but no relationship is perfect. We have our ups and downs like any other couple, but I truly feel we were made to be together. He’s an extrovert who loves to go out. I’m an introvert who likes to stay in. He gets me away from my work and reminds me to have fun whereas I encourage him to take a break and slow down once in awhile. I overthink every last thing. He doesn’t let anything get to him. When I get bent out of shape, he puts everything into perspective. Though we’re opposite in a lot of ways, we have many of the same hobbies and interests like skiing, running, travel and even shopping! As he likes to say, “We’re the same, but different.” I couldn’t describe it any better myself so, in honor of three years and a lifetime more, today I’m sharing three lessons from three years of marriage.
When we celebrated two years of marriage, I wrote about my advice for healthy relationships. Read it here.
Of course, there have been hundreds of lessons even in our short three years together and I’m certain there will be hundreds more, but these are the lessons from three years of marriage that stand out the most.
One //Nurture the Relationship with Yourself: Before David, I spent a lot of time and effort developing a relationship with myself and I’m certain that because we met each other as two whole people, our relationship has thrived. In a relationship, it can be easy to lose yourself in it, especially if like us, you tend to spend A LOT of time together, which we love. But, we also value our individuality and give each other space and encouragement to nurture our own hobbies and interests separately.
Two // Communicate Clearly: Humans aren’t mind-readers so expecting your partner to read your mind is asking for them to be superhuman. I gave that up a long time ago. Sure it’s nice – even romantic – when your partner does something without being asked, but it’s not realistic to expect that all the time. Getting what you need in a relationship comes down to communicating your needs, wants and expectations clearly. For me, learning to be clear about what I want or would like to happen has saved us a lot of misunderstandings.
Three // Choose Love: My mom used to say, “Love is a decision.” I never really understood what she meant because – isn’t love a feeling? – then I got married and I got it. Like any couple, we’ve encountered difficulties in our almost ten years together, but every day we spend together we choose love. Sometimes love is the easy choice and sometimes it’s the furthest from our minds, but that love – and a sense of humor – has gotten us through some of the most trying times.
Three years have flown by. Looking back, it’s crazy to see how much David and I have grown together as a couple and as individuals and I couldn’t be happier or feel luckier to get to share this life with someone like him and to learn these lessons from three years of marriage together.
How long have you been married or in a relationship and what are the best lessons you’ve learned?
If you’re interested in taking a look back at our wedding, you can see my recap series here: