How to Change Your Relationship with Food

When I traded my boxed macaroni and cheese dinners for broccoli and brown rice and began my journey toward a healthier, whole foods way of eating, somewhere along the line I got confused.

I started to equate eating a perfect diet with being perfect. Being virtuous meant eating grilled fish and steamed vegetables all day, everyday. Straying from clean food brought an onslaught of guilt. 

It was boring and eventually it became unsustainable. 

I see a lot of women fall into food traps: eliminating full food groups without truly understanding how and why; compensating for falling off the diet wagon with an all-juice cleanse are examples. These behaviors and thought patterns ruin metabolisms and damage relationships with food.

I’m writing this not as a therapist or psychologist but as a Health Coach who once had a scarred relationship with food. I imagine that as a woman with food issues, I wasn’t much different than you. In some way, we’ve all had our struggles with food, though some more deep than others. 

When I decided I wanted to help other women on their journey to health, I had to determine what health meant to me. What I’ve discovered in the process is that the real meaning of the word “health” has become so fragmented that sometimes the quest to become healthy can, in fact, be unhealthy.

[Tweet “There’s a big difference between eating consciously and holding ourselves to impossibly high standards, and it’s time to start learning the difference. “]

If I asked ten people what food means to them, I’d probably get ten very different answers. 

Food is many things to many people.

Maybe it’s a means of social connection, a way to celebrate milestones, a form of energy for a long day or difficult workout or even a way to numb emotional pain. 

That’s the thing about food. Each of us has a deep-seated relationship with it. A relationship shaped by any combination of factors from individual tastes and preferences to family traditions, media influences and life experiences.

The media and its standards of beauty along with the food industry, what many call “Big Food,” they don’t help much either. 

Food has become processed,pesticides, packaged and genetically modified in ways that defy nature, turning food into things it was never meant to be. 

The result of it all: A cavernous disconnection from real food. 

Changing your relationship with food requires breaking through the noise, ignoring the media influence and outsmarting the food industry — all of which play a role in shaping our food and our thoughts about it — to discover what truly works for you. 

[Tweet “If we’re ever going to heal our scarred relationships with food, we have to stop treating food like the enemy.”]

Avocados won’t cause weight gain. A 3-day juice cleanse isn’t the solution to a weekend bender. There are no “good” or “bad” foods. 

In my health coaching practice, I take a sensible and realistic approach to helping women change their relationships with food. I teach them the power of nutrient-dense meals and how our lives depend on how we fuel, not starve, our bodies. A healthier relationship with food is within anyone’s reach and requires a shift not only in behavior, but also in mindset.

These are a few shifts in mindset around food that worked for me on my own journey to a healthier relationship with food. 

Step 1: Change Your Mind

Food is nothing more than energy, nutrients that provide the sustenance your body needs to perform every task you do throughout the day. If you think about it, food is pretty simple – anything that grows from the ground or on a tree. Somehow it’s become a lot more complex, but it doesn’t have to be!

Step 2: Decide It’s Time

Let go of whatever negative thoughts you have about what and how you ate yesterday or even five minutes ago, and just be good to yourself. Always. This requires approaching how you eat, exercise and live your life, from a place of love and care. For example, if you think of food as nourishment for a body you love, you’ll naturally choose to eat good food. Having a “why,” or a meaningful reason beyond looking amazing in your bikini for your upcoming vacation, will set you up for long-term, consistent success long after that vacation is over.

Step 3: Know There Are No Quick-Fixes

Next, relinquish your desire to find a quick fix. There isn’t one. Resist the urge to throw money at “all-natural” supplements, drink mixes, juice cleanses and diet programs. The reality is if you’re relying on a pill, a drink, a miracle vitamin, and diets or similar for weight loss, nutrition or appetite suppression you’re doing it wrong. Read ingredients on labels. Learn your body’s hunger cues. Know exactly what you’re putting in your body. Understand how your body responds to food so you know what foods to choose. If you feel challenged to do this on your own invest the money in someone who can support you and help you learn. Understand that this takes time, but the more you give, the bigger the reward.

Step 4: Food Doesn’t Define You 

Healthy eating isn’t about “good” vs. “bad” or “success” vs. “failure”. There’s no virtue in eating 100% vegan or paleo or raw or anything else if it feels like torture to you. Don’t put those burdens on yourself. A way of eating doesn’t define your self worth. Get comfortable enough with yourself to know what makes you feel your best and what your body needs and wants then eat to support the best version of yourself as often as possible. If you fall off the wagon, guess what? You’re human. Tomorrow’s a new day. Don’t forget that there’s beauty and righteousness in all imperfection.

Step 5: Eat Like You Mean It 

Finally, grazing won’t save calories and it’s not a healthy approach to eating. Picking and snacking yet never committing to a full meal will actually leave you hungrier and more unsatisfied in the long run. Grazers rarely feel a sense of satisfaction from food. It causes the body to hold onto weight because it never knows if it will get enough nutrients or calories to sustain it not to mention, the digestive system becomes overtaxed. Try eating like you mean it. You’ll be amazed at what a difference it makes. Many of my clients say this one change has made the biggest difference. 

[Tweet “Your relationship with food is a reflection of how you feel about yourself.”]

Love yourself enough to make the best choices you can and to forgive yourself when you don’t; the rest will fall into place.